MommyBlog Part 5

April 30

I’m afraid my body doesn’t want to make milk. All the other natural mamas online say you should never never feed your baby formula, but what do I do? Put an answer in the comments if you know of any herbs (obviously ones that won’t hurt the baby) that could make it come faster. 

Does that make me a bad mother?

I don’t want to disappoint my sweet Bella…

May 1

Today I heard from someone I never expected: Dylan’s mother. Now that was a shock, mamas. First off, I know she never liked me. And after the way D. and I ended the convo the other day, she’s the last person I expected to pop up. But there she was, right in my email! Gave me her phone number and asked me to call.

I couldn’t believe what she had to say on the phone. She found me a doctor! Someone who works with special situations like mine. Oh, mamas, it gave me so much hope. 

But I should have known better.  >:-(

Let this be a lesson to you, all my super-mamas: you can’t. trust. anyone. Trust your baby, trust your body, but don’t trust the people who can’t believe. They will only let you down. 

*Takes a deep breath*

Anyway, back to the betrayal. That’s what I’m calling it because that’s what it was. I went to the appointment Christine (Dylan’s mom) set up for me. The office was in this weird squat brown building, and the only other person waiting was a man…who was obviously not pregnant! Stupid me, I figured he was a daddy there to support his baby’s mama. But when the assistant called me back, she showed me to this teeny-tiny room with just a couch and a chair. No sink, no exam table, nothing.

The “doctor” was a skinny man with a big beard. He had a very nice smile that made me want to believe he meant well. Again, stupid me! God, I just want to smack my head against a wall sometimes, if I didn’t know it would upset Bella. She’s sensitive.

The first thing he says is there are some people who are very concerned about you, and I tell him yes, because I can’t get medical care! And he says“that’s what I’m here for, and then he says to me your friend tells me you believe you’ve been pregnant for eleven months.

BELIEVE?? Mamas, I know. Just like you do. 

Also, Christine is not my friend. Not Dylan, either.

Turns out this “nice doctor” was a psychiatrist. I still feel so…just grr! I promised no swear words on the blog but this made me want to! 

Well, I have to tell you I got up and walked right out of that office, even though it hurt. On the way out, my eyes filled up with tears, and by the time I got to my car, I was crying so hard I could barely see. Worst of all, it upset Bella again. She stretched against my skin so hard I thought it would rip! If I didn’t know better, I would swear she was chewing my insides. I know she’s getting ready to come out.

And I don’t want to do this by myself…